Tag Archives: satire

United Executive Thrown Out of Overbooked Emergency Department (satire)

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Chicago, IL – United Airlines Executive, Mr. Oscar T. Grouch, developed chest pain yesterday evening while golfing. At first, he didn’t think much of it. As he became short of breath, and the pain wouldn’t go away, he decided to check into Waverly Place Hospital Emergency Department (ED) to be seen. What happened next, though, has become a media firestorm with no end in sight for the beleaguered local hospital.

He entered through the ED waiting room. The waiting room was filled to the brim with patients seeking care for various maladies from abdominal pain, to chronic back pain, to some guy who accidentally sat naked on a milk bottle and now had a rectal foreign body he needed to be removed. Despite this backlog of patients, Mr. Grouch was promptly triaged and, concerningly, his EKG showed signs of a mild heart attack.

He was then whisked back to the one available ED treatment room and treatment was begun. But, only a few minutes later, things got bizarre:

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An Idea that Cut Local ED Traffic by 25%!

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Hospital Administrator hires Mafia….er.. ”Capitalists” to “Create Business” for Struggling Trauma Service

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Passaic, NJ – Facing record budget shortfalls after years of declining revenues, administrators at newly renamed Medical Achievement Frontiers In America (MAFIA) Hospital in Passaic, NJ recently inked an unusual deal with a “Local Social Entertainment Concern” (LSEC) in an attempt to increase cash flow.

“Despite passage of the Affordable Care Act,” the administration spokesmen explained, “trauma services all over the USA have been burdened by declining reimbursements from insurance companies, increasing uncompensated and charity care, and a general decline in attempted homicides, car accidents, stabbings, and trauma in general. We looked at many ways to make up this revenue and we found that the optimal way to increase our bottom line would be to ‘drive up demand for our trauma services.’ We were subsequently approached by some kind local businessmen with whom we worked out a deal that has become mutually beneficial.”

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Dr. Oz: Use tPa for All Neurologic Complaints, Not Just Stroke

DrozWell-known cardiothoracic surgeon-turned-know-it-all, Dr. Mehmet Oz, announced on his show today that Tissue Plasminogen Activator (tPa) should now be used for ANY AND ALL neurologic complaints. Previously, tPa was indicated only for patients with suspected acute ischemic stroke presenting within 3 hours without certain contraindications, such as bleeding in the brain, high blood pressure, etc. Some studies previously indicated it could be used at 4.5 hours in certain subgroups as well.

“tPa needs to be YOUR body’s ‘clot cleanser’,” exclaimed an ebullient Dr. Oz, “This amazing ‘brain booster’ flushes your brain of blockages and toxins. Using this tonic when you feel any neurologic symptoms at all will help you maintain 100% of the cerebral blood flow YOU need. I heartily endorse this product”!

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CMS to Force Doctors to Beg for Reimbursement Within Their Formal Documentation

BeggarAcknowledging the adage that “if it isn’t documented, it didn’t happen,” the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) have announced a new policy that they assert will clarify reimbursement disagreements between medical practitioners and reimbursement organizations. Starting next month, all advanced practitioners of medicine who wish to receive compensation for their services must now explicitly document a phrase in their note requesting to be paid or they will no longer be eligible for any financial remuneration whatsoever. Decisions by CMS govern all compensation decisions by Medicare and Medicaid and are frequently adopted by most insurance companies as well, so it will only be a matter of time before this concept becomes standard in the marketplace.

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Medical Education Using Blue’s Clues

A new teaching tool in medical education. I’m not saying that medical students and residents have learning styles similar to a 5 year old, but…….

Medical Education Using Blue's Clues

Medical Education Using Blue’s Clues

Medical Education Using Blue’s Clues (PDF)

“NPO after Midnight” Wins Battle of the Bands with Medical-Themed Names

rockLos Angeles, CA – After an 8-hour epic, medical-themed, Battle of the Bands last Friday night, NPO after Midnight came out the winner, playing their hit song, “Cancel that Case” in the finals, edging out M.R.S.A and their single, “Vancomyze ‘em” for the grand prize, a golden caduceus, in a split 3-2 decision. Earlier in the competition, NPO after midnight cruised by other up-and-comers, “Intubation without Representation” and “Traction-Countertraction” before taking on and barely prevailing over “Sister Cercosis” in the semifinals in another tight decision.

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Next Post on Gomerblog:

New Google Glass Attachment Busts BS Allergies

As mentioned previously, FWEM will make a donation to a 3rd world charity for every Gomerblog post published from this author. As suggested to me on Facebook, a donation will be made to Cambodian Children’s Fund in the amount of $20

Magic 8-Ball Pulseless Cardiac Arrest Algorithm

Magic 8 Ball Cardiac Arrest Algorithm

Sickly Man Stops Meds to Spite his PCP; Admitted to ICU in Critical Condition

7grandpa4 year old Jerry Kilgarten, a long term sufferer from COPD, CAD, CHF, DM, HTN, and other chronic disease acronyms, recently had a falling out with his primary care doctor. On a recent visit to his primary care doctor, Internist Dr. Alphonso Raine, he experienced what he described as a “travesty of service.” For starters, Mr. Kilgarten had to wait 30 minutes after his scheduled appointment before being brought back and another 30 minutes to be seen! 60 minutes late….this was an outrage! After his consultation with the physician, where he grudgingly admitted excellent care was provided, he was not offered enough free samples of his hypertension medication to last a whole month, as apparently their supply was low that day. Then he walked outside to get his car and he was ticketed for parking in the wrong space! After all of these perceived injustices, Jerry vowed to achieve vengeance in the only way he knew how: by passive-aggressively ignoring the totality of his doctor’s advice. “That will teach him and his staff,” he thought, “they will be sorry they messed with me.”

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