Tag Archives: medical satire


An Idea that Cut Local ED Traffic by 25%!



Hospital Administrator hires Mafia….er.. ”Capitalists” to “Create Business” for Struggling Trauma Service


Passaic, NJ – Facing record budget shortfalls after years of declining revenues, administrators at newly renamed Medical Achievement Frontiers In America (MAFIA) Hospital in Passaic, NJ recently inked an unusual deal with a “Local Social Entertainment Concern” (LSEC) in an attempt to increase cash flow.

“Despite passage of the Affordable Care Act,” the administration spokesmen explained, “trauma services all over the USA have been burdened by declining reimbursements from insurance companies, increasing uncompensated and charity care, and a general decline in attempted homicides, car accidents, stabbings, and trauma in general. We looked at many ways to make up this revenue and we found that the optimal way to increase our bottom line would be to ‘drive up demand for our trauma services.’ We were subsequently approached by some kind local businessmen with whom we worked out a deal that has become mutually beneficial.”

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Hospital System to Sell Advertising During Patient Encounters

advertAlbuquerque, NM – Taking a cue from the NFL and other money-hungry sports institutions, AT&T Hospital Systems in Albuquerque, NM has debuted a new system that allows outside companies to advertise during all stages of the patient encounter. To maximize revenue, they have even taken the step of broadcasting the encounter on local radio, in a HIPAA-compliant fashion, of course. After years of budget cuts, pennies on the dollar reimbursement by Medicaid, and after suffering the negative financial effects of other penurious payors, the influx of advertising dollars has been a welcome windfall for this cash-strapped institution.

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Dr. Oz: Use tPa for All Neurologic Complaints, Not Just Stroke

DrozWell-known cardiothoracic surgeon-turned-know-it-all, Dr. Mehmet Oz, announced on his show today that Tissue Plasminogen Activator (tPa) should now be used for ANY AND ALL neurologic complaints. Previously, tPa was indicated only for patients with suspected acute ischemic stroke presenting within 3 hours without certain contraindications, such as bleeding in the brain, high blood pressure, etc. Some studies previously indicated it could be used at 4.5 hours in certain subgroups as well.

“tPa needs to be YOUR body’s ‘clot cleanser’,” exclaimed an ebullient Dr. Oz, “This amazing ‘brain booster’ flushes your brain of blockages and toxins. Using this tonic when you feel any neurologic symptoms at all will help you maintain 100% of the cerebral blood flow YOU need. I heartily endorse this product”!

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CMS to Force Doctors to Beg for Reimbursement Within Their Formal Documentation

BeggarAcknowledging the adage that “if it isn’t documented, it didn’t happen,” the Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services (CMS) have announced a new policy that they assert will clarify reimbursement disagreements between medical practitioners and reimbursement organizations. Starting next month, all advanced practitioners of medicine who wish to receive compensation for their services must now explicitly document a phrase in their note requesting to be paid or they will no longer be eligible for any financial remuneration whatsoever. Decisions by CMS govern all compensation decisions by Medicare and Medicaid and are frequently adopted by most insurance companies as well, so it will only be a matter of time before this concept becomes standard in the marketplace.

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Medical Education Using Blue’s Clues

A new teaching tool in medical education. I’m not saying that medical students and residents have learning styles similar to a 5 year old, but…….

Medical Education Using Blue's Clues

Medical Education Using Blue’s Clues

Medical Education Using Blue’s Clues (PDF)

“NPO after Midnight” Wins Battle of the Bands with Medical-Themed Names

rockLos Angeles, CA – After an 8-hour epic, medical-themed, Battle of the Bands last Friday night, NPO after Midnight came out the winner, playing their hit song, “Cancel that Case” in the finals, edging out M.R.S.A and their single, “Vancomyze ‘em” for the grand prize, a golden caduceus, in a split 3-2 decision. Earlier in the competition, NPO after midnight cruised by other up-and-comers, “Intubation without Representation” and “Traction-Countertraction” before taking on and barely prevailing over “Sister Cercosis” in the semifinals in another tight decision.

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Magic 8-Ball Pulseless Cardiac Arrest Algorithm

Magic 8 Ball Cardiac Arrest Algorithm

Citing Indiana Law, Physician Refuses to Treat Patients Complaining of Chronic Back Pain

Recently, the “Religious Freedom Restoration Act” was passed in Indiana permitting professionals to deny service to potential customers under the guise of religious freedom. Citing this new law, “deeply religious” Emergency Physician, Dr. Joseph Grubauer, of Indianapolis, IN, has concluded that treating patients with chronic back pain violates his religious beliefs.

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