Calvin Broadus, Jr, aka Snoop Dogg, has officially announced plans to sign an endorsement and promotional deal with the Joint Commission (JC) set to begin on April 20. Snoop Dogg has agreed to appear in television, print, web, and billboard advertisements promoting the organization in exchange for hefty compensation, the manner of which is to be determined.
“This deal is in da hizzouse,” commented Mr. Dogg, “I be all UP in dat shizznit. When I heard that there was sumthin’ called the ‘Joint Commission’ I was SO there”!
Chicago, IL – United Airlines Executive, Mr. Oscar T. Grouch, developed chest pain yesterday evening while golfing. At first, he didn’t think much of it. As he became short of breath, and the pain wouldn’t go away, he decided to check into Waverly Place Hospital Emergency Department (ED) to be seen. What happened next, though, has become a media firestorm with no end in sight for the beleaguered local hospital.
He entered through the ED waiting room. The waiting room was filled to the brim with patients seeking care for various maladies from abdominal pain, to chronic back pain, to some guy who accidentally sat naked on a milk bottle and now had a rectal foreign body he needed to be removed. Despite this backlog of patients, Mr. Grouch was promptly triaged and, concerningly, his EKG showed signs of a mild heart attack.
He was then whisked back to the one available ED treatment room and treatment was begun. But, only a few minutes later, things got bizarre:
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