Monthly Archives: March 2017

Trump Orders CIA Wiretaps on Paranoid Schizophrenics (satire)

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Having recently acquainted himself with the functionality of wiretaps, President Donald Trump signed an executive order today to direct the CIA, with assistance from the FBI, NSA, and other members of the intelligence community, to begin wiretapping and providing additional surveillance of a new group of Americans felt to pose a threat in some way: paranoid schizophrenics.

The EO authorizes a number of “surveillance measures” for these individuals in addition to wiretapping their phones. Agents will be apparently allowed to follow their targets around using tinted Range Rovers and silent black helicopters. “Surveillance” will also include altering events around the target to make them believe they have some sort of super or “God-like” powers.

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