Monthly Archives: March 2015

The Solution to All of Our Press-Ganey Woes:

Picture was created by and linked, unaltered and with permission, from madness: tales from an ER nurse blog: http://emergency-room-nurse.blogspot.com/2015/03/if-only.html

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Sickly Man Stops Meds to Spite his PCP; Admitted to ICU in Critical Condition

7grandpa4 year old Jerry Kilgarten, a long term sufferer from COPD, CAD, CHF, DM, HTN, and other chronic disease acronyms, recently had a falling out with his primary care doctor. On a recent visit to his primary care doctor, Internist Dr. Alphonso Raine, he experienced what he described as a “travesty of service.” For starters, Mr. Kilgarten had to wait 30 minutes after his scheduled appointment before being brought back and another 30 minutes to be seen! 60 minutes late….this was an outrage! After his consultation with the physician, where he grudgingly admitted excellent care was provided, he was not offered enough free samples of his hypertension medication to last a whole month, as apparently their supply was low that day. Then he walked outside to get his car and he was ticketed for parking in the wrong space! After all of these perceived injustices, Jerry vowed to achieve vengeance in the only way he knew how: by passive-aggressively ignoring the totality of his doctor’s advice. “That will teach him and his staff,” he thought, “they will be sorry they messed with me.”

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First World Satire……Third World Solutions?

This is not a satire post. I have reached a point where I am being paid for each article I post on Gomerblog. It’s not a lot, but it’s something. However, instead of pocketing this income, I have decided to take a big step with my authorship of medical satire.

I plan to donate everything I make off of creating medical satire to charity. For now, I will even match the donations with my own money to double it. I will provide a link for you to be able to donate as well. My first donation has been made in the amount of $20 to Last Mile Health, an organization dedicated to providing the means for local health care practitioners to provide medical services in Liberia. Please check out their site and consider donating yourself if you are able. A redacted receipt of my donation is available at this link: page 1  page 2

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Another Post on Gomerblog

Check it out!

http://www.gomerblog.com/2015/03/uber/

Reverse AMA Article Now Posted on KevinMD

Thanks to KevinMD for posting my Reverse AMA article on his site, kevinmd.com. Please give it a look. I have a provided a link to my improved Reverse AMA form that can be printed out if desired. This form can be also be found within the Multimedia section of this blog.

On KevinMD’s site: Reverse AMA Article

On my site: Reverse AMA article

The Reverse AMA form in PDF: Reverse AMA Form

New “Executive Workup” Option Debuts at Las Vegas ED

The StackLas Vegas, NV – As times have become harder for emergency departments around the country, one local hospital, Snooty Hospital and Casino (SHC), has come up with a solution to capture precious reimbursement from individuals with “enhanced diagnosis and treatment goals.” When checking into the ED either by ambulance or at the front desk, patients now have the ability to initiate what is being described as the “Executive Workup.” This option has led to a 150% increase in profit for SHC and led other hospitals in the area to consider rolling out similar services to keep up with the trend.

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Hospital Hires Jedi to Convince Patients they are No Longer Suicidal

Jackson, MS – Facing a critical shortage of psychiatric beds with patients frequently waiting for days in the ED for psych disposition, the administration of ODB Hospital Systems in Jackson, MS recently traveled  “outside the galaxy” for a solution to their ED’s psychiatric boarding issues. The unorthodox solution they discovered seemingly has the potential to completely eliminate this long-standing problem.

“On a recent trip to visit the Dagobah Hospital System,” remarked ODB Hospital CEO Russell Jones, “I encountered a man, simply named ‘O’Brien,’ who fashioned himself something called a ‘Jedi.’ We ended up chatting for a while and, eventually, we started talking about my hospital’s ED boarding problems. He was quite interested in a job and he quickly convinced me he was a perfect fit for our needs, especially after he waved his hand across my face and mumbled something like ‘I am the solution you are looking for.’”

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New Post on Gomerblog

Check out my new post on Gomerblog. It’s a lesson in causation vs correlation:

Texting on Cell Phone During ED Triage Correlated with Improved Patient Outcomes

After 400th CT scan, Patient Develops Radiation-Induced Superpowers; “CT-Seekers” Now Clogging Local EDs

pyroLouisville, KY – Hortense Lewis, a 32-year old chronic, idiopathic, chest and abdominal pain patient, recently presented to a local ED by EMS for her 637th ED visit in the past 5 years. Complaining of severe pain and wanting an explanation, Ms. Lewis was subjected to a battery of tests which included a CT of the chest and abdomen. To the muted surprise of her ED care team, the workup once again failed to show a cause of her pain and she was discharged. Notably, these CTs were her 399th and 400th in her lifetime, split between numerous hospital systems.

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Dick Vitale Stable After Impalement by NCAA Tournament Bracket

Ninja NCAA bracket

Baltimore, MD – Surgeons and Emergency Physicians at Shock Trauma worked through the night to repair 32 penetrating chest and abdominal wounds suffered by ebullient sportscaster and catch phrase enthusiast Dick Vitale, 75, after he was impaled by a masked assailant wielding a metallic, sharpened, 32-point NCAA men’s tournament hemi-bracket. Luckily, the attack appeared to have missed vital organs and doctors are confident he will make a full and complete recovery.

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